Overcoming overthinking was not something I thought I needed. I used to say that I’m just an analytically minded person or joke that I tended to have a little bit of analysis paralysis. I never thought of overthinking as a bad thing.
Then I stumbled upon this post on Instagram:
It’s a post from heybobbibanks which reads:
Maybe you overthink so much because:
- You didn’t grow up in a safe environment
- You took on adult duties way too early in life
- You get hurt no matter how hard you try
- You were harshly judged for making mistakes
- You had to figure out everything on your own
- You were made to feel you aren’t good enough
Now, I have no idea who Bobbi Banks is or why this came up on my Instagram feed, but it stopped me in my tracks because I’d never considered that “overthinking” or being “over analytical” could be associated with negative mental health. I just thought it was a character trait, I suppose.
I totally relate to being concerned about being harshly judged for mistakes and with feeling that you aren’t good enough. I’m not going to get into why that is for the sake of this post, but those two bullet points popped out at me.
What Does Overthinking Look Like?
My overthinking feel directional. It starts out either North (positive) or South (negative) but regardless of the starting direction, it always ends with stagnation. I will use my thoughts about this blog as an example.
Starting south, or negative.
My overthinking goes like this: “I’m going to write something or say something that’s going to come out the wrong way and then people will get offended and I will get cancel-cultured and lose my job or people will just think I’m the biggest dummy on the planet. Or maybe I will share something that will make my friend’s mom disappointed in me and she will think, ‘Gee, I can’t believe I let my son play with that guy.'”
Or, alternatively: “I’m going to announce to all my friends and family that I’m doing this project, then I’m going to quit it or fail at it and everyone is going to think, ‘Oh man, that guy sure is a loser. What a big idiot. I knew we couldn’t do it and I was right.'”
These negative thoughts end up leaving me too nervous to announce what I’m doing. Intellectually, I know that these concerns are extreme, but there’s still an inner emotional part of me that doesn’t want to find out if any of those things will happen. That’s why I’ve not yet announced this project to my friends and family…
Starting North, or positive.
Even going in a positive direction gets out of control. It goes something like this: “I think this blog could become really successful, help people, and bring in some money (somehow). But that means I will have to keep going with it and manage all this stuff. Then maybe I’ll have to hire people and deal with all these HR issues. Then the employees will be relying on me to feed their families. Then one of the employees will sue me or I’ll have some problem with taxes. Man, this is all too much.”
My brain is able to take a positive (that this project will be successful) and run away with it to find where the pain points might be. Since I don’t want to deal with those pain points, I don’t start down that road.
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But back to overthinking…whether my mind starts off in a positive or negative direction, overthinking causes me to end up at the same point: going nowhere.
Why do you overthink?
As an overthinker, I can speak from personal experience. Overthinking is not something you consciously set out to do. Your mind basically does it on its own. It’s not quite subconscious, but it feels like your brain is going on autopilot.
This is your brain engaging in self-preservation–it is protecting itself from potential harm.
I call it your passive, leaky brain.
In contrast, your active brain is the part of the brain you use when you are really trying to solve a problem. It’s the part of your brain that can figure out how to jury-rig two pieces of wood together to finish that DIY project you started. It’s the part that solves problems at your job, and the part that got you through school.
Your active brain has to get warmed up. It’s like the heater on your car engine. The engine has to get going before you can get the warm air. But the passive brain can just leak out thoughts without any effort at all.
The harm your passive brain is protecting you from might be embarrassment, heartbreak, confusion, frustration, stress, or any other sort of negative emotion. In order to protect yourself from these things, your brain finds a way to weave the story in a way that will uncover these pain points. If it can stop you from starting off in the direction of perceived pain, it can avoid the pain altogether.
Unfortunately, your brain is wrong. Even if it were to successfully remove the potential for future pain, it just replaces it with current pain. That is the pain of stagnation, of constantly not living up to the potential you feel you have inside of you, of a life half-lived.
It is not important to know why your brain is doing this. It’s enough to recognize that it is happening.
It’s also important to recognize that while your active brain may be smart and capable, your more passive, leaky brain is just not that bright, even if well intended. It needs you to step in.
6 Steps to overcoming overthinking
I am a chronic overthinker. But I’ve still been able to do a lot of things I’m very proud of. I’ve written and published a book, I’ve started and sold a business, I’ve worked for non-profits helping the poor and I’ve been legal counsel at a fortune 500 company. I’ve done this by being able to overcome my overthinking…even though it has been challenging. Here is my approach:
Step 1: Recognize that your Brain likes to Overthink.
The first step in overcoming overthinking is to recognize that it is something your brain does. Once you realize that your brain is only trying to help you, you can learn to deal with it.
Step 2: Appreciate your brain.
Your brain is an amazing organ. It can work on its own to keep you alive. In this case, it’s working trying to keep you from harm. It’s trying to protect you because it loves you and it needs you to stay alive. That’s a good thing.
Step 3: Accept or reject things your leaky brain is telling you.
Once you recognize that your passive brain has been doing its thing, your active, smart brain will be able to kick it and consider whether your leaky brain was properly evaluating the situation. If it was, that’s great. If it was going too far into hypothetical land, just let your active brain reject those parts of it.
Step 4: Trust your active brain over your passive one.
You know that your overthinking gets irrational. Face it, your passive brain is just not that smart. Trust your active brain. Know that you will be able to take whatever life brings your way.
Step 5: Take action–any action.
It takes a lot of effort to get your active brain going. It needs to be warmed up. Moreover, your passive brain is going to put up a real fight. It really wants to protect you from the dangers that might arise if your active brain gets you in a bad spot. It strongly believes it is doing you a favor. Your passive brain is going to say things like:
“Hold on, let’s think through this just a little bit more.”
“Let’s wait until after lunch.”
“Maybe let’s check the weather real fast.”
“Let’s see if there’s a better idea on Pinterest.”
“Maybe we need better credentials or more education before we do that. Let’s lookup programs.”
It’s going to throw out all these different ideas to keep you from going the direction of danger. You need to ignore all that in favor of taking action. It’s okay if you take the wrong action. Moving forward is necessary to get your brain warmed up to a place where it will be able to figure out actual problems and make actual things. You can always adjust based on what you find happens after you take action.
(Related Article: 3 Things to do when you don’t know what to do.)
Step 6: Don’t beat yourself up.
I did the p09x program back when that was all the rage. I actually did get in pretty decent shape from it. In fact it was one of my favorite time I’ve felt physically. The main p90x guy, Tony Horton, would always say, “Do your best and forget the rest.” Maybe yesterday your best was 20 pushups and today its 15 or 10. It doesn’t matter as long as you gave it your best.
It’s a mantra I still apply to this day.
I also give myself a little grace in its application. I try my best everyday. The way I know that is because I know if I knew how to do any better, I would have. So I obviously did the best I could that day under all the circumstances.
If your best is writing one chapter of your book, starting that blog post, or even just recognizing that your passive brain is being unreasonable, that’s a great step.
Don’t compare yourself to people who are further along in their journey. It’s easy for them to explain how they got to where they are because they can look back at their path and retrace their steps. Your path might be different.
Can you stop overthinking?
I have not found a way to stop my passive brain from going on its tangents, particularly at night when I’m trying to go to sleep. For me, it is a matter of managing my overthinking by recognizing when I’m listening to my well-intended but whacko passive brain. But here are some things I’ve tried that help me:
- Writing – writing about my thoughts helps me identify what thoughts are crazy, passive brain and which ones are not. I keep a journal on Google Docs. I also publish my thought publicly here and on Medium.
- Listening to white noise – I like to listen to sounds of trickling streams or of the ocean. There are a bunch of white noise channels on Spotify.
- Turning on a movie – I know experts say you are supposed to avoid screens at night, but sometimes I turn on a movie and it distracts my brain enough where I fall asleep even before the opening credits are over.
- Breathing Exercises – I have a few times put in ear plugs, covered my eyes, and tried to just focus solely on breathing deeply in and out. It works but is sometimes hard to keep your brain from wandering off.
What about you?
What happens when you find yourself overthinking? What do you tell yourself? What strategies do you take to deal with overthinking? Share in the comments! It might help someone!
